Made my day!

I got a call today from my attorney who told me that my hearing before the social security judge tomorrow was cancelled. She said that the judge had called her today and said that he agreed that I was disabled and that the evidence in my file was overwhelmingly in my favor. I am so relieved, but, she said it may take 3 or more months to start getting any money coming in. I don't think I can make it that long!
I am a little mad about this whole process even though I finally won my case. Why did it take so long for me to win my case? It's not like the judge was looking at any different evidence than the social security examiner's and doctor's who had previously said that I could still work even though I have this disease. By the time I get any money coming in then it will be almost 3 years since I last worked. My brother told me that every time they deny people benefits then they are trying to starve you out! I had never considered that before and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It made so much sense that if they keep turning you down then you might be so desperate that despite the amount of pain you are in you will go out and get a job and they won't have to give you benefits. How sad! Unfortunately I have to believe that they are doing this because it just doesn't make any sense to me otherwise. I am grateful that once I start getting my monthly check I won't have to worry about whether I am going to be able to put gas in my car to get to the doctor or store or how I am going to be able to fix things when they break. I feel that my government let me down like I am sure they have done this to many other people out there! I hope one day that this system that most people pay taxes into for things like this gets fixed. Social Security is suppose to be for retirement and if you become disabled and cannot work. If this was a private company that promised benefits and then tried to get out of paying them then the government would be all over them filing lawsuits and threatening to throw them in jail. What a double standard! What a shame!

Major Depression

I haven't really been posting too much lately due to the fact that I have been not feeling so well for the past couple of months. I think that some of the new medicine I am on is making me sick. Also I have been really depressed lately. I am having financial problems which one should expect considering I live alone and have not worked since May of 2002. I live in Ohio and it is getting cold here and I found out my furnace doesn't work have been freezing and since I also have arthritis which is related to this disease the cold weather makes my bones and body hurt that much more. I have tried to find help to fix my furnace, but, there isn't any help to be found. It was hard anyway to ask for help due to my pride and now I am even more frustrated to think that there is no place to go for assistance. I didn't ask for this disease. It came looking for me! I always thought the great and generous American government that I faithfully paid my taxes to would be there when I needed them and they weren't. What an eye opener! There is no compassion and caring for the ordinary citizen.
I hate to turn this into something political, but, we are coming up with all of this money to fight terrorism(which needs to be done) and we can't come up with the money to assist people who can't help the fact that they are disabled and can't work.

I knew that my social security hearing was coming up before the judge tomorrow and he was was going to decide my fate. I was either going to get disability benefits or I was going to be denied again. If I lost then that would probably be it. No more appeals would be left unless I wanted to file a lawsuit in federal court and I probably couldn't get an attorney to assist me with it anyway since I didn't have the money to pay them. I have to admit that the thought crossed my mind that I would either be homeless or I would just walk in front of a truck and end my suffering. Neither one of these options seem to be real appealing most of the time. I try hard to fight these feelings, but, it is frustrating. I was even at the point where I didn't want to pray and ask God to help me. I thought that there was so many things that have went bad in my life that if I was going to lose my case before the judge tomorrow then that would confirm that somehow I had lived my life wrong and I was getting some payback. I know that it is wrong to think this way, but, sometimes I can't help it!